spring has sprung and thus, creepers are creepin'! today when i was on an errand at the restaurant depot (my life is so much like Top Chef), i got hit on by (no shit) a guy with one arm and one eye. he mumbled "you look good girl look good girl look good, " in a gruff voice a little too close. the lack of arm meant he could sidle closer to me, and creep more effectively than the average creeper could. love, you come in many forms...
while being hit on by a gross stranger is not always welcome, it got me thinking. why is it easy for a stranger to approach me with a compliment? it's not like i accepted it graciously. i rolled my eyes, turned and kept shopping for coffee lids. but really, maybe i should be creeping a little more on myself...i vow to try it from now on. look in the mirror and fill myself with confidence.
girl you look good
look good girl
look good!
on a separate note, this week my goal is to earn 49 APs (activity points). my week starts on wednesday and i already have 20, so i'm off to a great start.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
checking in
hello gentle reader,
i've been a little off the radar as of late. family chaos and a really busy time at my shop=crazed distracted Emily. my brother visited me for 8 days and left early last week. it was a good time, but exhausting. we drank a lot of beer, ate some not so healthy foods, and because of his physical limitations (cancer related), i sat on my ass a lot. i had a lot of guilt and conflicting emotions about this. i mean, i was delighted that my brother was here, and i enjoyed the junk/beer binge, but on the other hand, my brain wanted me to go out for a long run. my brother suffers from a form of mild paralysis in one of his knees, so he can't walk or stand for long periods of time. he walks with a cane at home, which he didn't bring to MN, and on outings, he prefers a wheelchair, which he didn't bring to MN. so our outings were brief and included a lot of car moving and arm holding on my part. i felt guilty for being healthy and strong enough to even be able to go run, walk, or dance in the way that i wanted to. if i caught myself wanting these physical freedoms during his week here, i'd look at him struggling and then try to put it out of my mind. it was strange, and i'm still thinking a lot about my feelings during that time.
just as the sad/happy feeling of having our house guest leave, washed over us, my husband and i were confronted with bad news from my family. my grandma has been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, with tumors metastasizing in her abdomen. i was heartbroken, i am heartbroken. this is a woman who took care of me so often when i was young, that i would see her more than my mom sometimes. my mom was forced to nurse at night and we would stay with my grandparents. their house was so cozy, orderly, and welcoming for us. my grandma has taught me how to bake, sew, and garden-things i do often and hold dear to my heart. we use a few of her recipes at the shop. she has early-onset Alzheimer's, which is both a blessing and a curse to her right now. she is peaceful and happy, and does not fear the next couple of months as her cancer will most likely become worse soon.
i've spent the last few nights being quiet and thinking a lot about cancer and it's tight hold on my life. my stepdad, and biological dad were both taken by it. my husband survived it, and has been in remission for 17 years. my brother has been sick with it for 8 years. now, grandma.
i had a uterine cancer scare last year, and it was one of the worst moments of my life. after having spotty periods, i went to an ob/gyn specialist to get some answers. she ended up doing a biopsy of my uterus that day, which was painful, scary, and unexpected. when she removed the sample she told me it didn't look cancerous to the eye, but they would have to test it. i had to wait a week for the results. i laid in the thin open-backed gown on the crinkly paper covered table and cried and cried and cried. the doctor stroked my hair and then left me to cry. i stayed in the room for almost an hour, fearing the worst and wondering how i was going to tell my mom if the results were positive. i finally got it together, put my clothes back on and left. a week later, we had the answers, and everything in my world was okay again. it's interesting to me that my first thought wasn't of my own well being, but of my family's. how would i tell them? how would we make it through that?
i dedicate my quest for health and fitness to my family. i dedicate my running to my brother who would love nothing more than to run. i am setting up a donation site for my upcoming half marathon, so i can make a big donation to the Lymphoma/Leukemia Society. i am fighting this fight with sloth and obesity because i need to be here as long as i can. with such an incredible cancer risk, why mess around with my health? it's time to take charge, so i can be the best possible caregiver for my family and friends. i owe it to them and i owe it to myself. if anyone ever asks me why i'm trying so hard to lose this weight, that's the reason i'll give. yes, i would love to be able to buy cute tiny dresses, but really, it's about the big picture.
through these rough couple of weeks, i've continued to count Points Plus, even though i was unable to make two weeks worth of meetings. i will be back in there on wednesday, and if i've gained, i'll bounce back from it, and if i've lost, it's probably just from stress. either way, i'm in this thing.
cheers,
emily
i've been a little off the radar as of late. family chaos and a really busy time at my shop=crazed distracted Emily. my brother visited me for 8 days and left early last week. it was a good time, but exhausting. we drank a lot of beer, ate some not so healthy foods, and because of his physical limitations (cancer related), i sat on my ass a lot. i had a lot of guilt and conflicting emotions about this. i mean, i was delighted that my brother was here, and i enjoyed the junk/beer binge, but on the other hand, my brain wanted me to go out for a long run. my brother suffers from a form of mild paralysis in one of his knees, so he can't walk or stand for long periods of time. he walks with a cane at home, which he didn't bring to MN, and on outings, he prefers a wheelchair, which he didn't bring to MN. so our outings were brief and included a lot of car moving and arm holding on my part. i felt guilty for being healthy and strong enough to even be able to go run, walk, or dance in the way that i wanted to. if i caught myself wanting these physical freedoms during his week here, i'd look at him struggling and then try to put it out of my mind. it was strange, and i'm still thinking a lot about my feelings during that time.
just as the sad/happy feeling of having our house guest leave, washed over us, my husband and i were confronted with bad news from my family. my grandma has been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, with tumors metastasizing in her abdomen. i was heartbroken, i am heartbroken. this is a woman who took care of me so often when i was young, that i would see her more than my mom sometimes. my mom was forced to nurse at night and we would stay with my grandparents. their house was so cozy, orderly, and welcoming for us. my grandma has taught me how to bake, sew, and garden-things i do often and hold dear to my heart. we use a few of her recipes at the shop. she has early-onset Alzheimer's, which is both a blessing and a curse to her right now. she is peaceful and happy, and does not fear the next couple of months as her cancer will most likely become worse soon.
i've spent the last few nights being quiet and thinking a lot about cancer and it's tight hold on my life. my stepdad, and biological dad were both taken by it. my husband survived it, and has been in remission for 17 years. my brother has been sick with it for 8 years. now, grandma.
i had a uterine cancer scare last year, and it was one of the worst moments of my life. after having spotty periods, i went to an ob/gyn specialist to get some answers. she ended up doing a biopsy of my uterus that day, which was painful, scary, and unexpected. when she removed the sample she told me it didn't look cancerous to the eye, but they would have to test it. i had to wait a week for the results. i laid in the thin open-backed gown on the crinkly paper covered table and cried and cried and cried. the doctor stroked my hair and then left me to cry. i stayed in the room for almost an hour, fearing the worst and wondering how i was going to tell my mom if the results were positive. i finally got it together, put my clothes back on and left. a week later, we had the answers, and everything in my world was okay again. it's interesting to me that my first thought wasn't of my own well being, but of my family's. how would i tell them? how would we make it through that?
i dedicate my quest for health and fitness to my family. i dedicate my running to my brother who would love nothing more than to run. i am setting up a donation site for my upcoming half marathon, so i can make a big donation to the Lymphoma/Leukemia Society. i am fighting this fight with sloth and obesity because i need to be here as long as i can. with such an incredible cancer risk, why mess around with my health? it's time to take charge, so i can be the best possible caregiver for my family and friends. i owe it to them and i owe it to myself. if anyone ever asks me why i'm trying so hard to lose this weight, that's the reason i'll give. yes, i would love to be able to buy cute tiny dresses, but really, it's about the big picture.
through these rough couple of weeks, i've continued to count Points Plus, even though i was unable to make two weeks worth of meetings. i will be back in there on wednesday, and if i've gained, i'll bounce back from it, and if i've lost, it's probably just from stress. either way, i'm in this thing.
cheers,
emily
Saturday, April 16, 2011
100 things about me
100 things about me, inspired by Trixie Mercury and a few others on twitter:
these little self indulgent tidbits are in no particular order.
1. Although I'm a very chatty and friendly person, I suffer from sometimes crippling social anxiety.
2. When I was younger I wanted to have a career in the arts. Writer, singer, painter, fashion designer As I get older, I think I would like to work in the health/medical field. I know my mom inspired this in me, she's a nurse.
3. I am fiercely protective and proud of my mother, brother, and grandmother. They are the most amazing and strong people in my world.
4. My younger brother has Hodgkins Lymphoma. He's had it for almost 8 years now. When he was diagnosed, it was at stage 4, and we were not hopeful for the future. Now he's beating it. Living with it. Going through his cancer battle has shaped my adult life. I no longer fear my own choices. I try very hard to take care of myself. I try not to take anyone or anything in my life for granted. I've become a better sister to my brother. He's a great guy, I am so proud of him.
5. I have baby fever. At 29, I know that someday soon I really want to be a mom. I also know that as a new business owner, I need to spend a little more time focusing on my own life before I produce another.
6. I love cats more than dogs. I have 2, Long Steve who is super old-and my number one fan, and Little Bear, who is young, mischievious, and funny. Fur babies.
7. I love board games, especially Scrabble.
8. Sometimes I draw little comics when I'm supposed to be working in my office at my shop.
9. I like most food (this is a weight loss blog, duh), but I HATE mushrooms. yuck, ew.
10. My favorite colors are orange and toothpaste green.
11. I'm not afraid of heights, per se, but I'm terrified of falling.
12. I love to read, but lately I enjoy the written word in audio form. I listen to audiobooks while baking the breakfast pastries at my shop every morning. It makes me feel like I'm not in there alone.
13. I love TV and movies and talking about TV and movies.
14. I sing and have been in a handful of punk and indie rock bands. I also play guitar, trumpet, and ukulele, but i'm not very good at those things.
15. I'd rather bike or walk somewhere, but I adore my car. Sorry, earth.
16. I like to sew my own clothes or alter vintage clothes. I wish I had more time to do these things lately.
17. I find myself dressing like a tweenage boy a lot lately. It's funny, right? Cute, right?
18. I totally crush-stalked my husband until he gave in and just started hanging out with me. We still laugh about how obvious I was about it. Swoon.
19. I daydream daily about punching certain people in the face. Usually they are obnoxious customers at my shop.
20. I love the Harry Potter books SO SO SO much. Who doesn't want to live in a world where magic is all around you?
21. I'm very proud of my running. As a kid, running was really hard for me, I hated it. I used the C25K app. for iphone last spring to help me get started. This July, I'll be running my first half marathon. Cool!
22. I'm very hard on myself and I feel like I'm dying when I make mistakes. I'm trying to learn how to move on after this happens. It's getting better.
23. I like math, and until I had a business, I really enjoyed doing my taxes.
24. My favorite food is breakfast cereal and almond milk. Really. I love cereal.
25. I love gardening, but I have a bit of a brown thumb.
26. My heritage is irish, welsh, and sicilian.
27. I have big big eyebrows. I finally like them.
28. I check out people's butts regularly. It's not sexual, it's science.
29. I think I'm pretty funny.
30. Sometimes I get really anxious and convince myself that all of my friends are sick of me. These are bad days.
31. One time when I was little, I stole a bottle of White Diamonds from my mom's friend. She noticed it was gone, and my mom found it in the pocket of my little backpack. I really like the fancy bottle, I don't even know if I knew it was perfume. When we went back to her house to return it, my mom made me apologize. It was one of those scary moments when I felt like I had to choose if I was going to end up being good or bad. I went down the good road, for the most part.
32. I had a horrible ankle injury in the 8th grade an had to have reconstructive surgery.
33. I like to read books about human anatomy and physiology for fun. I bought myself a huge book of surgical prints from the 1800s recently that is so creepy and graphic, I feel a little ishy for owning it.
34. I have major attention deficiencies. I often try to multitask, only to realize that I've majorly lost my way in several directions.
35. Even though I'm trying to lose weight, I love my body for what it can do.
36. I swear like a sailor.
37. I love ginger ale and root beer.
38. My favorite fruit is kiwi, and I eat the skin.
39. I love my tattoos, but I hate when strangers ask me about them.
40. I'm often a victim of my own stress.
41. I love yoga and pilates, but have a hard time focusing on them.
42. I'm always cold. And I live in Minnesota. This is annoying a lot of the year.
43. I like to sing little songs about people and things, usually to the tune of 80's power ballads.
44. I could probably quote most of Wayne's World to you, if that's what you're into.
45. I have a great memory.
46. I have the "falling" dream about once a week. I always wake up and feel like my heart is exploding. Maybe this is because
47. EVERY DAY I DRINK A FUCKLOAD OF COFFEE.
48. I dream of learning a fighting style like karate, kung fu, or kickboxing.
49. I have a hard time trusting men. I think it's because my dad was abusive to my mom when I was young and it scared me, even though it was never directed at me. Sometimes I fear that I've blocked a lot of these memories out and someday they'll come back and crash through my brain like a ton of horrible bricks.
50. I think golf is stupid. I love watching olympic gymnastics and figure skating.
51. Baseball>Basketball>other sports>golf
52. I'd like to live in a treehouse someday.
53. I want to travel very badly.
54. When things go wrong, my first instinct is to get the hell out and hide.
55. I love french pop music, french clothes, and french films.
56. I own at least 10 stripey boat neck shirts.
57. I like my jeans TIGHT.
58. I've always had a big butt, through fatness and thinness. Through youth and now. I've learned that having a righteous booty can be pretty awesome. I really hate it when I get unwanted attention for it though.
59. If it's on Bravo and about gays, food, or fashion, i'm probably watching it.
60. I'm very weepy when I'm happy or sad, or moved by pretty much anything sad or cute. I cry during commercials and movies. I weep when I'm talking about my feelings with others, even if I'm expressing joy. It makes me feel really self conscious because I fear people will think I'm being phony.
61. I'm flaky. like delicious pie.
62. I love makeup, but I often go makeup free because I leave the house so early in the morning.
63. I really enjoy getting glammed up but I rarely go out these days. My schedule sucks.
64. I like being home in the middle of the day.
65. I take baths more often than showers.
66. I sleep with my arm tucked underneath my head.
67. I love camping, and I can't wait to explore the desert this summer.
68. I don't believe in god, but I do believe in spirits, ghosts, and karma.
69. I'm a perv. I like to tell dirty jokes, especially to my staff.
70. My favorite animals are snakes and birds of prey.
71. I'm allergic to penecillin.
72. I wish I could rap. In my mind, I'm awesome at it. In reality, I'm quite horrible.
73. I love James Bond.
74. I used to write "to do" lists on my forearm with sharpie, so i got "have fun" tattooed on my wrists. having fun should always be at the top of the list.
75. Ice cream is my biggest weakness. Luckily I've managed to find some pretty WW friendly treats.
76. Even though I can be self-defeating, I love to cheer people up and give pep talks. I'd make a good life coach.
77. I OVERUSE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!
78. I'm from Vermont and my husband is from NYC. I'm pretty sure we'll end up back out there eventually. I can't imagine being this far from my family and old friends forever.
79. I fear becoming my mom, but I admire her strength and will to keep on kicking ass.
80. I was vegetarian from age 6-23. and vegan from 15-21. I still don't eat very much dairy, but I love meat. Only if I know it's origins though. Factory farming is disgusting. Seriously.
81. I don't hold grudges, but I also never fully recover from personal conflicts with people.
82. I really want to take more photographs, but I've been saying that for years...so...
83. I love top 40 style r&b and pop music. I love running to it, and singing along to it in the car.
84. I rarely leave the house without a snack in my bag.
85. I have a peanut butter addiction. Especially pb&j. I try to eat pb at least once a day.
86. I'm not into scented products, but I love the smell of mint, lavender, jasmine, and lemon if they're real and fresh.
87. One time I peed my pants laughing.
88. I'm a good secret keeper, but admittedly
89. I'm also a gossip when it doesn't really matter
90. I have hoarder tendencies, so watching the new reality hoarder shows scares the bejesus out of me.
91. I'm really good at cutting hair at home.
92. If ungroomed, my facial and body hair would take over and I would be Chewbacca, basically.
93. I love my bike, her name is The Get Wild 5.
94. I knit, and once upon a time, my mom tried to teach me. But that ended badly, so I ended up learning from a book. Now we knit together.
95. I love horror movies, but if I watch them when I'm home alone, I get really really spooked.
96. I enjoy school, but I've never been very good at finishing homework, which is how I've maintained an awesome B average.
97. I think my chili recipe is the best.
98. I can be rude and cold when I'm feeling threatened.
99. I work very very hard for $0. Someday I'll treat myself to an awesome vacation.
100. I wish I could pee outside standing up without scrutiny. Pee power 2011.
these little self indulgent tidbits are in no particular order.
1. Although I'm a very chatty and friendly person, I suffer from sometimes crippling social anxiety.
2. When I was younger I wanted to have a career in the arts. Writer, singer, painter, fashion designer As I get older, I think I would like to work in the health/medical field. I know my mom inspired this in me, she's a nurse.
3. I am fiercely protective and proud of my mother, brother, and grandmother. They are the most amazing and strong people in my world.
4. My younger brother has Hodgkins Lymphoma. He's had it for almost 8 years now. When he was diagnosed, it was at stage 4, and we were not hopeful for the future. Now he's beating it. Living with it. Going through his cancer battle has shaped my adult life. I no longer fear my own choices. I try very hard to take care of myself. I try not to take anyone or anything in my life for granted. I've become a better sister to my brother. He's a great guy, I am so proud of him.
5. I have baby fever. At 29, I know that someday soon I really want to be a mom. I also know that as a new business owner, I need to spend a little more time focusing on my own life before I produce another.
6. I love cats more than dogs. I have 2, Long Steve who is super old-and my number one fan, and Little Bear, who is young, mischievious, and funny. Fur babies.
7. I love board games, especially Scrabble.
8. Sometimes I draw little comics when I'm supposed to be working in my office at my shop.
9. I like most food (this is a weight loss blog, duh), but I HATE mushrooms. yuck, ew.
10. My favorite colors are orange and toothpaste green.
11. I'm not afraid of heights, per se, but I'm terrified of falling.
12. I love to read, but lately I enjoy the written word in audio form. I listen to audiobooks while baking the breakfast pastries at my shop every morning. It makes me feel like I'm not in there alone.
13. I love TV and movies and talking about TV and movies.
14. I sing and have been in a handful of punk and indie rock bands. I also play guitar, trumpet, and ukulele, but i'm not very good at those things.
15. I'd rather bike or walk somewhere, but I adore my car. Sorry, earth.
16. I like to sew my own clothes or alter vintage clothes. I wish I had more time to do these things lately.
17. I find myself dressing like a tweenage boy a lot lately. It's funny, right? Cute, right?
18. I totally crush-stalked my husband until he gave in and just started hanging out with me. We still laugh about how obvious I was about it. Swoon.
19. I daydream daily about punching certain people in the face. Usually they are obnoxious customers at my shop.
20. I love the Harry Potter books SO SO SO much. Who doesn't want to live in a world where magic is all around you?
21. I'm very proud of my running. As a kid, running was really hard for me, I hated it. I used the C25K app. for iphone last spring to help me get started. This July, I'll be running my first half marathon. Cool!
22. I'm very hard on myself and I feel like I'm dying when I make mistakes. I'm trying to learn how to move on after this happens. It's getting better.
23. I like math, and until I had a business, I really enjoyed doing my taxes.
24. My favorite food is breakfast cereal and almond milk. Really. I love cereal.
25. I love gardening, but I have a bit of a brown thumb.
26. My heritage is irish, welsh, and sicilian.
27. I have big big eyebrows. I finally like them.
28. I check out people's butts regularly. It's not sexual, it's science.
29. I think I'm pretty funny.
30. Sometimes I get really anxious and convince myself that all of my friends are sick of me. These are bad days.
31. One time when I was little, I stole a bottle of White Diamonds from my mom's friend. She noticed it was gone, and my mom found it in the pocket of my little backpack. I really like the fancy bottle, I don't even know if I knew it was perfume. When we went back to her house to return it, my mom made me apologize. It was one of those scary moments when I felt like I had to choose if I was going to end up being good or bad. I went down the good road, for the most part.
32. I had a horrible ankle injury in the 8th grade an had to have reconstructive surgery.
33. I like to read books about human anatomy and physiology for fun. I bought myself a huge book of surgical prints from the 1800s recently that is so creepy and graphic, I feel a little ishy for owning it.
34. I have major attention deficiencies. I often try to multitask, only to realize that I've majorly lost my way in several directions.
35. Even though I'm trying to lose weight, I love my body for what it can do.
36. I swear like a sailor.
37. I love ginger ale and root beer.
38. My favorite fruit is kiwi, and I eat the skin.
39. I love my tattoos, but I hate when strangers ask me about them.
40. I'm often a victim of my own stress.
41. I love yoga and pilates, but have a hard time focusing on them.
42. I'm always cold. And I live in Minnesota. This is annoying a lot of the year.
43. I like to sing little songs about people and things, usually to the tune of 80's power ballads.
44. I could probably quote most of Wayne's World to you, if that's what you're into.
45. I have a great memory.
46. I have the "falling" dream about once a week. I always wake up and feel like my heart is exploding. Maybe this is because
47. EVERY DAY I DRINK A FUCKLOAD OF COFFEE.
48. I dream of learning a fighting style like karate, kung fu, or kickboxing.
49. I have a hard time trusting men. I think it's because my dad was abusive to my mom when I was young and it scared me, even though it was never directed at me. Sometimes I fear that I've blocked a lot of these memories out and someday they'll come back and crash through my brain like a ton of horrible bricks.
50. I think golf is stupid. I love watching olympic gymnastics and figure skating.
51. Baseball>Basketball>other sports>golf
52. I'd like to live in a treehouse someday.
53. I want to travel very badly.
54. When things go wrong, my first instinct is to get the hell out and hide.
55. I love french pop music, french clothes, and french films.
56. I own at least 10 stripey boat neck shirts.
58. I've always had a big butt, through fatness and thinness. Through youth and now. I've learned that having a righteous booty can be pretty awesome. I really hate it when I get unwanted attention for it though.
59. If it's on Bravo and about gays, food, or fashion, i'm probably watching it.
60. I'm very weepy when I'm happy or sad, or moved by pretty much anything sad or cute. I cry during commercials and movies. I weep when I'm talking about my feelings with others, even if I'm expressing joy. It makes me feel really self conscious because I fear people will think I'm being phony.
61. I'm flaky. like delicious pie.
62. I love makeup, but I often go makeup free because I leave the house so early in the morning.
63. I really enjoy getting glammed up but I rarely go out these days. My schedule sucks.
64. I like being home in the middle of the day.
65. I take baths more often than showers.
66. I sleep with my arm tucked underneath my head.
67. I love camping, and I can't wait to explore the desert this summer.
68. I don't believe in god, but I do believe in spirits, ghosts, and karma.
69. I'm a perv. I like to tell dirty jokes, especially to my staff.
70. My favorite animals are snakes and birds of prey.
71. I'm allergic to penecillin.
72. I wish I could rap. In my mind, I'm awesome at it. In reality, I'm quite horrible.
73. I love James Bond.
74. I used to write "to do" lists on my forearm with sharpie, so i got "have fun" tattooed on my wrists. having fun should always be at the top of the list.
75. Ice cream is my biggest weakness. Luckily I've managed to find some pretty WW friendly treats.
76. Even though I can be self-defeating, I love to cheer people up and give pep talks. I'd make a good life coach.
77. I OVERUSE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!
78. I'm from Vermont and my husband is from NYC. I'm pretty sure we'll end up back out there eventually. I can't imagine being this far from my family and old friends forever.
79. I fear becoming my mom, but I admire her strength and will to keep on kicking ass.
80. I was vegetarian from age 6-23. and vegan from 15-21. I still don't eat very much dairy, but I love meat. Only if I know it's origins though. Factory farming is disgusting. Seriously.
81. I don't hold grudges, but I also never fully recover from personal conflicts with people.
82. I really want to take more photographs, but I've been saying that for years...so...
83. I love top 40 style r&b and pop music. I love running to it, and singing along to it in the car.
84. I rarely leave the house without a snack in my bag.
85. I have a peanut butter addiction. Especially pb&j. I try to eat pb at least once a day.
86. I'm not into scented products, but I love the smell of mint, lavender, jasmine, and lemon if they're real and fresh.
87. One time I peed my pants laughing.
88. I'm a good secret keeper, but admittedly
89. I'm also a gossip when it doesn't really matter
90. I have hoarder tendencies, so watching the new reality hoarder shows scares the bejesus out of me.
91. I'm really good at cutting hair at home.
92. If ungroomed, my facial and body hair would take over and I would be Chewbacca, basically.
93. I love my bike, her name is The Get Wild 5.
94. I knit, and once upon a time, my mom tried to teach me. But that ended badly, so I ended up learning from a book. Now we knit together.
95. I love horror movies, but if I watch them when I'm home alone, I get really really spooked.
96. I enjoy school, but I've never been very good at finishing homework, which is how I've maintained an awesome B average.
97. I think my chili recipe is the best.
98. I can be rude and cold when I'm feeling threatened.
99. I work very very hard for $0. Someday I'll treat myself to an awesome vacation.
100. I wish I could pee outside standing up without scrutiny. Pee power 2011.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
body wisdom
funny that the last post was "bouncing back from illness" because i was still very sick when i was writing that. in fact, i'm still a little sick, although antibiotics are making me better little by little. what was a shitty weekend stomach flu thing turned into a full blown bad cold, turned into pneumonia. i finally went to the clinic last monday after a coughing fit that almost made me pass out. i had put it off because i wanted to feel better, even though i really didn't feel much better. and maybe if i thought positively, took herbs, and started drinking coffee and working a lot, i might shake it. WRONG. i was ignoring the signs that something was wrong, this thing was serious, and it needed some actual medical attention.
so this gets me back to the subject at hand, my weight loss journey. that's why we're here, right? otherwise this blog might be called "phlegmy girl", but no one likes her...ANYWAY,
i think it's really important to listen to your body. your body is wise. it knows when it needs rest, sustenance, affection, motion, and self-care. it will tell you what it needs with subtle or not-so subtle signs. and it's important to listen. even when you feel like you're a busy modern career gal (ha!) who can't be bothered to nap, run, or pack a snack, it's important to try to do these things if you need them. i'm learning that. my body is smarter than my ego, which tries to override the body's cries for whatever it is that it needs.
the last few weeks i tried hard to listen to my body and decipher what it was telling me (except for the sick part, i'm still learning). when i was truly hungry, i ate food. but i ate nutritious things that filled me up. i made good choices, even on my birthday. i indulged when i wanted to, but i didn't overindulge. when i was feeling low, i napped, drank water, or sat down for a minute or two. i went to bed when i was tired. i took walks when my legs felt the itch to move. and guess what, in the last few weeks, i've lost 4lb. at my weight watchers meeting last week, my loss was a big 3.4lb, which made me feel so awesome, because i knew i had been working the program and really being present and accountable for my body. i was the steward of my big booty. it felt really good.
now that i am really feeling better and recovering from my illness, i know that i can do this thing. if i can do it when down and out, i can definitely do it on the up and up, right?
this post is dedicated to my friend Animal who lost an awesome 25lb. so far on Weight Watchers, and that is just super cool. Go Animal!! XOXO
i really want to write a #100thingsaboutme post, but it's going to take me a while.
so this gets me back to the subject at hand, my weight loss journey. that's why we're here, right? otherwise this blog might be called "phlegmy girl", but no one likes her...ANYWAY,
i think it's really important to listen to your body. your body is wise. it knows when it needs rest, sustenance, affection, motion, and self-care. it will tell you what it needs with subtle or not-so subtle signs. and it's important to listen. even when you feel like you're a busy modern career gal (ha!) who can't be bothered to nap, run, or pack a snack, it's important to try to do these things if you need them. i'm learning that. my body is smarter than my ego, which tries to override the body's cries for whatever it is that it needs.
the last few weeks i tried hard to listen to my body and decipher what it was telling me (except for the sick part, i'm still learning). when i was truly hungry, i ate food. but i ate nutritious things that filled me up. i made good choices, even on my birthday. i indulged when i wanted to, but i didn't overindulge. when i was feeling low, i napped, drank water, or sat down for a minute or two. i went to bed when i was tired. i took walks when my legs felt the itch to move. and guess what, in the last few weeks, i've lost 4lb. at my weight watchers meeting last week, my loss was a big 3.4lb, which made me feel so awesome, because i knew i had been working the program and really being present and accountable for my body. i was the steward of my big booty. it felt really good.
now that i am really feeling better and recovering from my illness, i know that i can do this thing. if i can do it when down and out, i can definitely do it on the up and up, right?
this post is dedicated to my friend Animal who lost an awesome 25lb. so far on Weight Watchers, and that is just super cool. Go Animal!! XOXO
i really want to write a #100thingsaboutme post, but it's going to take me a while.
Monday, March 28, 2011
bouncing back from illness
and i'm still ill (you know, like morrissey)
well, i am, still coughing and the like, but feeling much better. i was knocked down while on vacation in los angeles, with a mega-cold. being sick in CA was no fun, but i tried to get out of the hotel everyday and see something. we made it through our list of sightseeing places, but things like hiking and renting bikes were out of the question, which was a huge blow to my emotional state. i thrive on activity, but what can you do? there will be more vacations for us in the future.
i tend to get into a bad pattern when i get sick where: i am sick, then i get better, then i stay lazy because i'm afraid of feeling bad, so i eat bad and move less than i should. I DO NOT WANT THIS RIGHT NOW!
the one thing i'm most bummed about is my impending weigh-in/measurement for the YWCA meltdown. did i lose fat and gain muscle? i'm not sure. laying in the hotel room pounding gatorade probably didn't help. did i lose weight? not much, if any. i'm trying not to look at this as a win/lose situation and more of a learning experience. i know more about my personal limits regarding exercise, and i pushed myself to explore new things, like Zumba class-which is so much fun. also, along the way, i met a new friend (hi, Jess!) and met a few more trainers at the Y. i now feel a little more comfortable there, and i've been a member for 5 years off and on.
as i write this, i'm coughing my guts out, so maybe i'm not recovering yet, but i'm more alert and i was able to do some much needed organizing for work and home. i did a fridge audit and tossed anything old/evil (bye bye last 3 girl scout cookies in the freezer!), washed our sheets (germy), and got my tax stuff in order (boring), and watched a show on E! about plastic surgery (awesomely gross). poor tara reid!
the important thing about how i feel today is that i'm looking forward to activity tomorrow. i'm going to try to get to the gym, even if it's to walk on a treadmill, or lift weights. and i've been trying to track all my food, even though up until today it's been either frozen or liquid. keep on, keepin on!
well, i am, still coughing and the like, but feeling much better. i was knocked down while on vacation in los angeles, with a mega-cold. being sick in CA was no fun, but i tried to get out of the hotel everyday and see something. we made it through our list of sightseeing places, but things like hiking and renting bikes were out of the question, which was a huge blow to my emotional state. i thrive on activity, but what can you do? there will be more vacations for us in the future.
i tend to get into a bad pattern when i get sick where: i am sick, then i get better, then i stay lazy because i'm afraid of feeling bad, so i eat bad and move less than i should. I DO NOT WANT THIS RIGHT NOW!
the one thing i'm most bummed about is my impending weigh-in/measurement for the YWCA meltdown. did i lose fat and gain muscle? i'm not sure. laying in the hotel room pounding gatorade probably didn't help. did i lose weight? not much, if any. i'm trying not to look at this as a win/lose situation and more of a learning experience. i know more about my personal limits regarding exercise, and i pushed myself to explore new things, like Zumba class-which is so much fun. also, along the way, i met a new friend (hi, Jess!) and met a few more trainers at the Y. i now feel a little more comfortable there, and i've been a member for 5 years off and on.
as i write this, i'm coughing my guts out, so maybe i'm not recovering yet, but i'm more alert and i was able to do some much needed organizing for work and home. i did a fridge audit and tossed anything old/evil (bye bye last 3 girl scout cookies in the freezer!), washed our sheets (germy), and got my tax stuff in order (boring), and watched a show on E! about plastic surgery (awesomely gross). poor tara reid!
the important thing about how i feel today is that i'm looking forward to activity tomorrow. i'm going to try to get to the gym, even if it's to walk on a treadmill, or lift weights. and i've been trying to track all my food, even though up until today it's been either frozen or liquid. keep on, keepin on!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wow, just wow.
I went to the meeting! yeeeeeaaaaah! and it wasn't scary. because I've been doing WW online, I wasn't worried about the number on the scale, so there was less pressure. I weighed in at *sigh* 205.4lb. maybe this would freak someone else out, but I've been at or around this weight for a few months, and i'm down from 225, so whatever.
after I got weighed in, the best thing that could of happened occurred.
i turned around and saw my friend, Animal*. she started WW a few weeks ago and i didn't know. having a friend, a real friend from my regular life, what a blessing. she seemed really happy to see me there, as well, which was really nice. also, Animal is rocking the program so far, HELL YEAH!
our regular leader was out for the week, but the substitute did a pretty good job. this particular meeting is on the rowdy side, so i think the sub wasn't expecting to have to work quite so hard to be heard. still, all in all, a good time.
we talked about food and satisfaction, and some people shared their success. a really foxy gal had just reached 50lb. lost, and i was so glad for her. I liked seeing that the program really does work when you work it. she talked about loving clothes again, which is so great to hear, because I love clothes, even at the size I am now.
I drove home with a huge smile on my face. I really feel like this is the time for me to do this. I have support both near and far (thanks to Bitch Cakes and Trixie Mercury for rock star blogs of awesomeness, so inspiring). Also, things in my life have settled into a nice pattern that I can handle. I plan on kicking WW ass, so look out, future!
<3
After I got home, my husband and I went to our neighborhood spot for dinner, and we ran into three ladies from my meeting! One of them is a long time acquaintance, one of them I didn't know, and one of them was Ms. Fifty lbs. herself. Proving that not only does WW work, but you can still eat at yummy restaurants, you just have to keep track of yourself. I love it.
Cheers, ladies.
*name changed until I ask her if it's cool to write about her.
after I got weighed in, the best thing that could of happened occurred.
i turned around and saw my friend, Animal*. she started WW a few weeks ago and i didn't know. having a friend, a real friend from my regular life, what a blessing. she seemed really happy to see me there, as well, which was really nice. also, Animal is rocking the program so far, HELL YEAH!
our regular leader was out for the week, but the substitute did a pretty good job. this particular meeting is on the rowdy side, so i think the sub wasn't expecting to have to work quite so hard to be heard. still, all in all, a good time.
we talked about food and satisfaction, and some people shared their success. a really foxy gal had just reached 50lb. lost, and i was so glad for her. I liked seeing that the program really does work when you work it. she talked about loving clothes again, which is so great to hear, because I love clothes, even at the size I am now.
I drove home with a huge smile on my face. I really feel like this is the time for me to do this. I have support both near and far (thanks to Bitch Cakes and Trixie Mercury for rock star blogs of awesomeness, so inspiring). Also, things in my life have settled into a nice pattern that I can handle. I plan on kicking WW ass, so look out, future!
<3
After I got home, my husband and I went to our neighborhood spot for dinner, and we ran into three ladies from my meeting! One of them is a long time acquaintance, one of them I didn't know, and one of them was Ms. Fifty lbs. herself. Proving that not only does WW work, but you can still eat at yummy restaurants, you just have to keep track of yourself. I love it.
Cheers, ladies.
*name changed until I ask her if it's cool to write about her.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
meetings
I have been a weight watchers online member since the fall of '08. When I initially joined, I was able to use the program to lose about 26lb., which made a huge difference in my life. I felt so much better, so good in fact, that I let myself slip here and there, and slowly over the course of the next year, I gain back 10 of those lost pounds. Last spring, in 2010, I decided enough was enough, and I attended my first WW meeting. It was great. People who understood, an energetic and wise leader, and most of all, the accountability I needed to finally get back on track and lose the weight for good.
Best laid plans, blah blah blah...I went two more times, until life got the better of me. I was opening my bakery at the time and the long hours and stress won out over meal planning, meeting attendance, and workouts. Again, I felt like I'd let myself down, and I vowed to go back if I was ever able to focus on me and my own issues.
Since then, this year has been all upheaval for me, some of it terrible, some of it wonderful. The place I'm in now is so much better. I have my confidence back (mostly) and I realize that I need to focus on myself every now and then so I can deal with the other stuff: my relationships, my shop, family, etc.
All of this leads me to this:
I'm going back to meetings, tomorrow. I have registered, scheduled it, and I feel proud of my decision. After I see it through, I'll report back, wish me luck.
Best laid plans, blah blah blah...I went two more times, until life got the better of me. I was opening my bakery at the time and the long hours and stress won out over meal planning, meeting attendance, and workouts. Again, I felt like I'd let myself down, and I vowed to go back if I was ever able to focus on me and my own issues.
Since then, this year has been all upheaval for me, some of it terrible, some of it wonderful. The place I'm in now is so much better. I have my confidence back (mostly) and I realize that I need to focus on myself every now and then so I can deal with the other stuff: my relationships, my shop, family, etc.
All of this leads me to this:
I'm going back to meetings, tomorrow. I have registered, scheduled it, and I feel proud of my decision. After I see it through, I'll report back, wish me luck.
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