bouncing back from illness

and i'm still ill (you know, like morrissey)
well, i am, still coughing and the like, but feeling much better.  i was knocked down while on vacation in los angeles, with a mega-cold.  being sick in CA was no fun, but i tried to get out of the hotel everyday and see something.  we made it through our list of sightseeing places, but things like hiking and renting bikes were out of the question, which was a huge blow to my emotional state.  i thrive on activity, but what can you do?  there will be more vacations for us in the future. 
i tend to get into a bad pattern when i get sick where: i am sick, then i get better, then i stay lazy because i'm afraid of feeling bad, so i eat bad and move less than i should.  I DO NOT WANT THIS RIGHT NOW!
the one thing i'm most bummed about is my impending weigh-in/measurement for the YWCA meltdown.  did i lose fat and gain muscle?  i'm not sure.   laying in the hotel room pounding gatorade probably didn't help.  did i lose weight?  not much, if any.  i'm trying not to look at this as a win/lose situation and more of a learning experience.  i know more about my personal limits regarding exercise, and i pushed myself to explore new things, like Zumba class-which is so much fun.  also, along the way, i met a new friend (hi, Jess!) and met a few more trainers at the Y. i now feel a little more comfortable there, and i've been a member for 5 years off and on. 
as i write this, i'm coughing my guts out, so maybe i'm not recovering yet, but i'm more alert and i was able to do some much needed organizing for work and home.  i did a fridge audit and tossed anything old/evil (bye bye last 3 girl scout cookies in the freezer!), washed our sheets (germy), and got my tax stuff in order (boring), and watched a show on E! about plastic surgery (awesomely gross).  poor tara reid! 
the important thing about how i feel today is that i'm looking forward to activity tomorrow.  i'm going to try to get to the gym, even if it's to walk on a treadmill, or lift weights.  and i've been trying to track all my food, even though up until today it's been either frozen or liquid.  keep on, keepin on!

Wow, just wow.

I went to the meeting!  yeeeeeaaaaah!  and it wasn't scary.  because I've been doing WW online, I wasn't worried about the number on the scale, so there was less pressure.  I weighed in at *sigh* 205.4lb.  maybe this would freak someone else out, but I've been at or around this weight for a few months, and i'm down from 225, so whatever.
after I got weighed in, the best thing that could of happened occurred.
i turned around and saw my friend, Animal*.  she started WW a few weeks ago and i didn't know.  having a friend, a real friend from my regular life, what a blessing.  she seemed really happy to see me there, as well, which was really nice.  also, Animal is rocking the program so far, HELL YEAH!
our regular leader was out for the week, but the substitute did a pretty good job.  this particular meeting is on the rowdy side, so i think the sub wasn't expecting to have to work quite so hard to be heard.  still, all in all, a good time. 
we talked about food and satisfaction, and some people shared their success.  a really foxy gal had just reached 50lb. lost, and i was so glad for her.  I liked seeing that the program really does work when you work it.  she talked about loving clothes again, which is so great to hear, because I love clothes, even at the size I am now. 
I drove home with a huge smile on my face.  I really feel like this is the time for me to do this. I have support both near and far (thanks to Bitch Cakes and Trixie Mercury for rock star blogs of awesomeness, so inspiring).  Also, things in my life have settled into a nice pattern that I can handle.  I plan on kicking WW ass, so look out, future!
<3
After I got home, my husband and I went to our neighborhood spot for dinner, and we ran into  three ladies from my meeting!  One of them is a long time acquaintance, one of them I didn't know, and one of them was Ms. Fifty lbs. herself.  Proving that not only does WW work, but you can still eat at yummy restaurants, you just have to keep track of yourself.  I love it.
Cheers, ladies.
*name changed until I ask her if it's cool to write about her.

meetings

I have been a weight watchers online member since the fall of '08.  When I initially joined, I was able to use the program to lose about 26lb., which made a huge difference in my life.  I felt so much better, so good in fact, that I let myself slip here and there, and slowly over the course of the next year, I gain back 10 of those lost pounds.  Last spring, in 2010, I decided enough was enough, and I attended my first WW meeting.  It was great.  People who understood, an energetic and wise leader, and most of all, the accountability I needed to finally get back on track and lose the weight for good. 
Best laid plans, blah blah blah...I went two more times, until life got the better of me.  I was opening my bakery at the time and the long hours and stress won out over meal planning, meeting attendance, and workouts.  Again, I felt like I'd let myself down, and I vowed to go back if I was ever able to focus on me and my own issues. 
Since then, this year has been all upheaval for me, some of it terrible, some of it wonderful.  The place I'm in now is so much better.  I have my confidence back (mostly) and I realize that I need to focus on myself every now and then so I can deal with the other stuff: my relationships, my shop, family, etc.
All of this leads me to this:
I'm going back to meetings, tomorrow.  I have registered, scheduled it, and I feel proud of my decision.  After I see it through, I'll report back, wish me luck.

self love (no, not like that, you perv)

i once heard that the key to a happy marriage is not to commit to a person once, but to examine your bond and recommit yourself to it, everyday.  even when it sucks.  even when you want to slap them, you take a deep breath, you assess, you recommit. 

in a way, right now, i'm needing to do this regarding my weight and fitness.  it seems i make great strides and then something throws me off, and i lose my mojo for a week.  feelings of dread commence, i feel hopeless and i cry like a baby, trying to figure out exactly why i feel what i feel.  i want a divorce from my body. 
i'm hard on myself, which comes in handy, but is also a curse.  lately i miss a workout or two and i can feel myself slipping into a tailspin of binging on unhealthy food, couch potatoing, and complaining about it.  or i need to test a recipe for my bakery, and i have to eat some really decadent stuff (tough job, i know).  and i know it's not the end of the world, i might gain a pound or two, but it feels like the end of the world. 

so what to do?  shame cave?
no, rekindle that flame!

after a weekend of being sick and rightfully lazy, i made myself go run today.  i felt great.  once i did that, i stayed OP all day.  i cooked good soul and body sustaining food.  i even remembered to pack myself a post-gym banana.  i drank my water.  and my 'marriage' to myself and my goals was stellar, passionate, and without doubt.

i love myself and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with me.

'master blaster

i’m doing a challenge at the ywca, which encourages the participants to lose weight/gain muscle through food tracking and 1-2 hrs of activity/day.  i’m participating and it’s going well so far.  the only problem?  i needed to find a way to extend my workouts by half and hour to meet my daily quota.  as usual, i decided to challenge myself by taking something new on-THE STAIRMASTER.
seriously F*** a stairmaster.  ok, not really. but the stairmaster is hard.  treadmill, no problem. eliiptical, no problem.  but i get winded and soaked in sweat after 5 min. on the stair machine.  so i’m taking it on, and I WILL WIN!
yesterday i went on at a low level (slow) and did 15 minutes.  i was really proud of myself, especially after i figured out that my entire 90 min. workout burned 700+ calories.
heck yeah!  take that, stairs!

deep thoughts

(imagine Jack Handy reading this):

since i started my path down the weight loss rabbit hole, i’ve noticed that packaged foods (cereals, bread, pasta) last way longer in my house, as i only eat the recommended serving sizes, and produce flies out of here like nobody’s business.
um, cool!  although i wish it wasn’t -5 deg. here, i’d like to be able to grow some of these pricey veggies at home...C'mon spring!

Protein powder

After doing a lot of taste tests, and using up the ones i especially didn’t care for, I have settled on Tera’s Whey for my protein powder needs.  I drink it for breakfast some days or after hard workouts.  This one mixes fast with little agitation, and the flavor is really good, not chalky or medicinal at all.  I like that it’s made from cow, goat, and sheep’s milk whey, which makes it digest well.  It’s gluten free, and sweetened with stevia.  Also, it weighs in at 3P+ mixed with water.
I got mine at the local food co-op, but you can get it online at http://www.luckyvitamin.com/, and the price is a little better there.  Enjoy and happy protein shaking!

hello!

here i am, ready to share my weight loss journey with the world.  why?  because i think it’ll help keep me accountable.  a little public shaming never hurt, right?
i’m using the following methods to reach my goals (which we’ll get to in a minute):
*weight watchers online tools-food tracking helps shape my day!  i eat a lot of produce, and i try to drink a lot of water.  i own a bakery, so i try really hard to not snack at work.  it’s a challenge.
*personal training-after a few years of lazily using the elliptical machine, i’ve stepped up my game.  in september this year, i started seeing a trainer a few times a month.  whoa, what a difference!  i now lift weights, swing ropes, do circuit training, and most importantly, i
*RUN!-running is my new passion.  it makes my body feel strong and tight, even if i still have a considerable amount of junk in my trunk.  i do the best i can and i can feel myself getting better everyday.
*quieting the voices-i’m trying to lose weight and get in shape without making myself insane.  why stress about the little ups and downs of the scale, when it’s the long term i want to think about?
GOALS:
2 years ago, i weighed the most i have ever weighed, 225lb.  i am 5’6” and i felt like crap all the time.  i joined weight watchers and got myself to 202lb.  since then, i tend to be within +/- 5lbs of that.  it’s super frustrating.
my end goal is to get to 150lb., but i don’t care if it takes another 2 years.  this is my life and i want to learn new skills and pick up healthy habits along the way.
i’ll be posting weekly updates here, see you at the finish line!

“Get going. Get up and walk if you have to, but finish the damned race.”
Ron Hill to Jerome Drayton during the 1970 Boston Marathon